On a Sunday after half a glass of wine and melting into the darkness of my back porch under the cicadas, high up in the sky with the huzz of the wind and the generators, I wrote an authentic post to my family, which I deleted and posted here instead.
I watched a trapped dragonfly struggle to find the door to exit my sunroom against the big casement windows, fluttering optimistically and vertically, as if it were facing me hovering like a tiny yet enormous angel.
I still cannot decide whether to have a third child. A year into trying and failing twice, and giving up several more times, buying a house, changing careers twice, Alex taking the bar twice, buying a car twice ;) and a major haircut that removed far more stability than I was expecting -
Today my phone died and I felt terrible suffering from endometriosis and August heat gloom and the feeling I'm working too hard for a property management software startup of all things. Sure ok, I'm on track to CPO.
But we are having our adventure. It's a far more country and lost version than we had originally planned for. We are in our stopover and it is time for me to milk the dawn and dance with the syrup of life every morning to ensure our children feel stirred in their souls out here, way out here with few mirrors outside of our families to ground them.
Yesterday we went to the beach twice. First nearly off roading, in a national Park and then at sunset watching the giant hurricane waves from Ernesto, far at sea. Today we saw alligators and turtles and ate stuffed grape leaves & almond cookies from the halal grocer, perogies and leek and potato soup and yesterday I had a cacao iced frappé, and Alex repotted a silver philodendron to an 8' pole.
And this afternoon everyone was melting down and we took the new Amazon inflatable paddleboard out to the marsh!
All 4 of us on one board, like pink city people figuring out marsh life. It was our first family non rented entry onto the water and it made me feel like a complete immigrant, but I think it changed our kids' lives a little bit and here we are. Trying things on for the first time, still scared, definitely unsure of where we are, but living a deep South dream of sorts.
