I seem to routinely get swept off my feet, dropped back down to earth at varying proportions.
This time I was dropped from unimaginable heights, such that I could hardly see the earth. I could only see the sky, the heavens, and a glimmer of what life was below. This time when I dropped, I had to learn how to skydive; I had to build a wingsuit mid air, and flap my way down like some sort of reptile in the air.
This time I was dropped so high up that I had to hold my breath for quite a while before I had enough oxygen to be able to sigh.
This time, I was dropped from so high up that it seemed unimaginable to return to back down to earth.
This time, I was dropped from so up high, I'm up there with the moon and we're having conversations about which way should I go, which pull was really stronger, earth or moon.
But this time, when I was swept off my feet, this time I wasn't even on the ground. I was flying. This means that I was mid air when I was swept off of my feet.
It was dizzying. It was more disorienting than ever because I was mid-turn, mid-flip, mid-twist and glorious when I was swept off my feet, mid-air while flying. I was hunted like a bird. You could even say it was a mid-air hijack. I thought I was getting the ride of my life. It turns out I could have been swept up by a giant storm in the middle of a cloud. Or a gun.
I thought of this love as a giant winged bird that would take me to new places, and places where I could be happier than ever before. But this love with a crow, ready to pick me up in one place and drop me in another. This love was a gun, it hit my wing.
But I caught myself mid-air. In fact, the entire damn process happened in the air. I didn't get a chance to fall to the ground or come from the ground. The ground was a distant memory. I had been flying overseas. This is why this love was so confusing.
But guess what, Here I am, I have fallen into the sea. I have swum back to shore. i am back on the ground. I have some scratches, some twisted limbs, and new wrinkles, some bloats, some chills. I've got new lungs, red eyes, and I've landed in a new place. I don't even know what land I'm in.
But good lord, as sister Mary said, I know when there is a promise of the of a storm, if you want change in your life, walk into it. If you get to the other side, you will be different. But if you want change in your life, and you are avoiding the trouble, you can forget it. So, wade on in the water, cuz lord, it's really going to be troubled water.
I got to the other side. I found the ground.
And then after all that, I met somebody. It was inspiring. It really wasn't much, really. Truly, somehow, I felt free. I felt like I had reached this new ground, and my scratches were okay. And then, POP! There I am, swept up. Not too high this time, there go my feet, hanging again. And PFUF! Back on the ground.
Jesus christ. I got to the other side, I said, "I hope I'm different now! That was supposed to be my reward!". But all these damn monsters. I wish they could just walk with me instead of having to pick me up, god dammit. I can fly; I don't need a monster to catch air. Why can't a monster just walk with me? Why I gotta be swept off my feet? Why I gotta fall? God dammit. My bones heal, my skin heals, but it's lonely out here.
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